Marriages are hard; separations are harder! Going through a separation in the form of a breakup or divorce can be one of the most emotionally draining experiences of your life.
Irrespective of the reasons for the separation, both you and your partner are left with unresolved pain and unsettling emotions.
People suffer from the strains of separation for several weeks, months, and even years.
For some, the effects last a lifetime. It is a slow process, it is a difficult process, it is an excruciating process but it is not an impossible process.
With the right approach and frame of mind, you can overcome it effectively; and we are here to help you do just that with some effective tips.
Overcoming the Trauma of Separation
Many believe that ending a bad relationship is enough in itself. What they forget is that they need to cover up the bases and provide the ointment to the wound that generates from the separation.
Even if you hated your partner and ended things on a bad note, you can’t undermine the loss that you suffer through it.
Whether it’s the loss of the partnership or the breaking of the dreams and commitments that you two shared, nothing about it is easy.
It is almost uncharted territory. An underlying aspect of it is that it is not only you who suffer, but your suffering relays down to your friends and families as well.
If you really want to bring yourself up, you have to commit to it. It is you and only you who can bring out the changes.
Keeping in mind the following steps would help you move on from the crisis healthily and positively.
Talk about it
Verbalising your painful experience is extremely important. It is okay to tell yourself and others that you are in pain. It doesn’t make you any less courageous or strong. Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability.
Keeping it bottled up inside your chest is not a skill that you need to master because it will only eat you away slowly and make you hollow from inside.
Find a safe space and talk to your family, friends, or any other loved one whom you feel comfortable talking to.
Seek Professional Help
Don’t shy away from taking professional help if you feel that you are not totally comfortable talking to your friends and family regarding your situation.
Visiting a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or a counsellor can give a voice to your inner turmoil.
Put Yourself First
Often, due to societal pressures, people are shamed for separating from their partners. In fact, there are times when people go back to their partners only out of fear of what the society will say about them, at large.
People think about their in-laws, parents, children, and relatives, and put their miseries and status over their own miseries.
You need to stop doing that and put yourself over everyone else. After all, you can’t afford to lose your sanity.
Give Yourself a Break
The entire separation process can be both physically and mentally exhausting. Separation usually occurs when both you and your partner have reached your saturation point.
It takes so much away from you that you are unable to be your best self. You lose your productivity at work, you mess up your equations with your friends and family, and you lose interest in taking care of yourself, among others. So, give yourself a break.
Make a Drastic Change
Sometimes, you need to do something out-of-the-box to get out of the threshold of the separation.
Therefore, go on a trip, adopt a pet or have a makeover.
Do something drastically different that will take your mind off from your immediate misery. Take time off to heal the wounds that you are suffering from.
Put Acceptance over Denial
This is the most effective, detailed, and long-lasting tip on our list, and you will soon realize why.
Grief comes in five stages and chances are high that you will follow the same linear path that most people go through while grieving. At first, you will be in denial of it.
This is generally due to the institutionalized building of ideology in our society that forces you to deny your feelings.
However, you can’t stay stuck to this idea because it will only lead to self-deprecating thoughts.
Next, you might find yourself angry over the situation, which is usually the second stage of grief. You might take out the anger either on you or on the people around you.
Again, try and get over this stage as quickly as possible and move on to the next stage of bargaining or compromising. Try and figure out the pros and cons of the separation for you.
The fourth stage is depression which is pretty self-explanatory and is quite natural. This is the most difficult stage but persevere through it because it does get better eventually.
Finally, there comes the final stage, known as acceptance. When all is said and done, you will have a clear vision of what you have endured and you will come to terms of the breakup or the divorce.
The faster you reach the final stage, the better it will be for your mental health. You don’t have to go through the entire five stages just for the sake of it. We just showed you how it usually works. But every relationship is subjective and whatever works for you, just adopt that.
Everybody goes through these stages at their own pace, and you might find that some people may only need a short time to move from denial to acceptance, and others will be struggling for weeks and months to come to terms with it.
Many separation experts recommend seeking legal advice as soon as you reach the anger stage. The Freed Marcroft’s Greenwich divorce team, for instance, could help reframe your pain into legal terms and protect your future when you are ready to accept and move on.
This may sound silly, but protecting your rights is crucial in a separation situation.
Prepare for a Better Future
Consider your last relationship as a learning process. Take notes of where you went wrong and how you were disappointed and hurt by your partner’s actions. Prioritize what is important to you.
Decide what you want to focus on in the future and what course of action you want to initiate next. You will have a lot of time to think.
Turn it into positive by preparing for your future so that you don’t experience the same bitterness of the last relationship. Remember, you deserve happiness, and you have to plan accordingly.
Final Thoughts
Before we end this, we must remind you that just because you failed at your last relationship doesn’t mean that you are incapable of being in a relationship.
Don’t let the separation define your whole life. You are more than just a failed relationship.
Even if the relationship ended because of your faults, give yourself another chance to fall in love. Who knows what the future has in store for you? Maybe your soulmate is waiting around the corner for you.
So, take your time and process your thoughts from the separation. Heal yourself from the grief and try and experience love again.
Meet your prospective partner through online dating resources like https://datingblush.com/ and give yourself the love that you deserve.