Breakups are hard. Sometimes, people will resort to using excuses rather than just telling the truth. Oftentimes, these untruths can leave partners feeling confused and frustrated. In some cases, they might even question themselves. Understanding these common breakup lies can help you identify them for what they are: an attempt to mask the real problem. Here is a look at 10 lies men (and women) often tell each other when they want to call it quits.
1. “It’s Not You, It’s Me”
This is a classic breakup line that makes many people roll their eyes. It shifts the blame away from the person being broken up with and, most of the time, it’s used to avoid explaining the real reasons behind the split. Initially, it sounds like they are taking responsibility. However, it usually is an attempt to hide deeper issues that they don’t want to talk about. This leads partners to wonder if they could have done anything differently.
2. “I’m Too Busy Right Now”
If a relationship isn’t working, a common breakup line is, “I’m too busy right now.” One party will state that other obligations are keeping them from committing to the relationship. In the end, true partners will always make time for the people they care about. This excuse is used when someone doesn’t want to admit that they’ve lost interest.
3. “You Deserve Someone Better”
You might think that this lie sounds like a compliment, but it’s usually just a way for them to avoid deeper conversations about unresolved problems. This statement can oftentimes be confusing because it mixes the rejection of a breakup with some kind of odd flattery. Many people will be left wondering why the other person didn’t try harder if they really thought they were so amazing. Ultimately, this lie is just about escaping guilt and nothing else.
4. “I’m Not Ready for a Serious Relationship”
Anytime someone says they’re not ready, it just means they’re not ready to do it with you. This will allow the person to exit the relationship without addressing their feelings. It suggests that timing, not compatibility or feelings, is the issue. While this might be true in some cases, it’s usually a lie. Anyone who truly wants to stay will communicate their problems openly. In the end, this lie is often a way to break things off while keeping the door open for reconnection.
5. “We’ve Grown Apart”
Because this lie is so vague, it’s often hard to argue against it. Partners will use this to explain a lack of connections without diving into specific issues. It is possible for you to grow apart, but it doesn’t mean the entire relationship is beyond saving. People will use this excuse to have mutual blame rather than admit their personal dissatisfaction in the relationship.
6. “I’m Just Not Good at Relationships”
Halsey’s “Bad at Love” has been a breakup song more than once, I assure you. Claiming to be bad at relationships is just a cop-out. It helps make sure that they don’t have to take any accountability in the relationship falling apart. They don’t want to talk about areas of conflict and telling this lie allows them to get away with it.
7. “I Think We’re Better Off as Friends”
This lie stings. It is usually told to soften the blow of rejection or avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. It also places the focus on a supposed benefit rather than the loss of a romantic connection. Most of the time, they don’t intend to pursue a friendship. In reality, most breakups don’t lead to true friendships right away, if at all.
8. “I Need to Focus on Myself Right Now”
Today, there is a lot of emphasis put on self-care, but this is still a lie being told to avoid talking about the real problems in a relationship. Personal growth is absolutely important and no relationship should hinder you from growing. However, it shouldn’t require cutting people out entirely unless they are toxic. Ultimately, this excuse will just leave the other person wondering if they were an obstacle to your success.
9. “We Want Different Things”
Making the claim that your goals are different is just another way to say you are incompatible. People will often use this lie when they want out of a relationship but don’t want to give a real reason why. Instead, they shift the focus to the future and hypothetical situations. Unfortunately, people will feel blindsided by this lie, especially if they previously thought all their goals aligned.
10. “I Don’t Want to Hurt You”
Telling this lie is a way for the person to appear like they care while simultaneously cutting ties. Generally, people will use this excuse to avoid talking about their feelings, but it can be confusing for the other party. It implies that staying together would be dangerous in some way. It also shifts the narrative, making it seem like they are acting in your best interest. Really, this lie is about easing their guilt over the breakup and not protecting you at all.
Recognizing the Truth Behind the Lies
There is some truth behind each of these lies. While they aren’t saying exactly what they mean, when men (or women) use these phrases to break up, they are really exposing their difficulty with honest communication. Recognizing these lies when they are told can help you avoid being confused and enable you to move on with clarity. Knowing what’s really true can help you heal and find someone who values you for who you are.