Civilian and military life are very different from each other, which can lead to miscommunications and misunderstandings. Although civilians hold veterans in high regard, they don’t always know the right thing to say to former service members. To avoid causing offense, it’s important to think before you speak and understand which phrases veterans don’t want to hear. Here are six topics you shouldn’t discuss with a veteran because they may be considered rude.
1. Thank you for your service.
Civilians want to make sure veterans know their service is appreciated. However, studies have shown that nearly half of veterans are uncomfortable with praise. For that reason, it may be better to express your gratitude through your actions rather than words. You could make a veteran a meal or offer to connect a service member who needs a job with a hiring manager you know.
2. Are you glad to be home?
You may ask veterans if they’re glad to be home as a way of making conversation. However, this question is less polite than you think. According to CRU Military, some veterans have a stressful homecoming experience. They may have trouble adjusting to civilian life after years in the military. It’s also not uncommon for veterans to go through breakups or financial troubles a few months after returning home, so try to avoid this somewhat invasive question.
3. What do you think of (insert political situation)?
It’s generally considered rude to ask anyone about politics. So you shouldn’t pose this question to a veteran, especially if you don’t know them well. If you wouldn’t walk up to a stranger and ask them about hot-button issues, don’t broach these subjects with a former service member! Their military service isn’t an invitation for you to discuss politics with them. It can also be frustrating for veterans when people assume they hold certain political beliefs.
4. Do you have mental health problems?
According to the VA, PTSD is only slightly more common among veterans than civilians. So veterans may resent the assumption that they have mental health problems connected to their service. Former service members don’t want anyone to view or treat them as “broken.” This stereotype of the mentally wounded veteran could also make it harder for service members to fully reintegrate, so avoid making this presumption.
5. Your experience doesn’t apply to the business world.
Some veterans are overlooked for jobs because hiring managers believe their military experience won’t translate to the business world. In actuality, service members are experienced in logistics and have superior leadership skills. However, the false belief that veterans are “unemotional” and lack interpersonal skills continues to hurt their job prospects according to Duke. It’s high time we retire this phrase veterans don’t want to hear and start valuing their skills.
6. Why did you join the military?
“Why did you join?” is another phrase that veterans potentially don’t want to hear. People’s reasons for joining the military can be very personal. They may not want to explain the beliefs and experiences that led them to serve their country, especially in a casual setting. This heavy topic should probably be saved for veterans you know well, and you should always give them an out if they don’t want to discuss it.
Every Veteran Is Different
Remember that these phrases veterans don’t want to hear are just guidelines. You may know veterans who are fine with answering these questions. Veterans are a diverse group, not a monolith, so they don’t think and feel the same way. At the end of the day, just try to be respectful. If you accidentally make a mistake, a genuine apology can go a long way.