When your marriage has broken down beyond repair, it can be difficult to take the first steps towards ending things officially.
The legal process might be quite clean and straightforward, but the emotional process is rather more difficult.
If you are planning to tell your partner you want a divorce, the key is in the planning.
You need to find a quiet and private space where you can be alone and uninterrupted.
If you have children, think about where your children will be when this happens.
Asking a friend or family member to take them somewhere fun can reduce a lot of the stress associated with this conversation without making it obvious what is coming.
When you’re ready, make sure you have considered the following:
Make sure you know what you want
You either want a divorce or you want to work on your relationship.
Be sure you really want a divorce before you let your partner know that you want a divorce.
Threatening a partner with divorce will lose its potency over time, so if the time comes to end the marriage, he might take it as yet another empty threat.
If you want to work on the marriage with the threat that you will ask for a divorce if it doesn’t remedy things, this is an entirely different conversation.
Use direct language
Try to find a way to say “I want a divorce”, or “I think we should end our marriage”.
By being direct with your language, you remove any chance of ambiguity. You’re not asking for his thoughts on this.
You’re not asking him to change his ways or work on your marriage.
At this point, there is no chance of saving the marriage.
You’re telling him that you no longer want to work on your marriage and you would like to end things.
Be direct and clear in your language and your reasoning.
Read the room
If your relationship has been failing for some time, it won’t come as a shock to your partner that you want to end things.
If you have reached this decision on your own, the news could be very upsetting to your partner.
Expect some strong reactions to the news and be prepared for anything.
Try to keep your own emotional reactions in check and be prepared to walk away if things get too heated.
Have a plan to stay somewhere else
Make sure you plan somewhere to stay if things go sour.
If you are planning to end your marriage on the grounds of adultery, you cannot continue living with your partner.
You also only have six months from the date of the discovery to file for divorce.
If you miss this cut-off, you would need to choose another reason for ending the marriage when you file for divorce.
Deciding where you will both live while the divorce proceedings move forward may be an issue of contention.
Your spouse may agree to move out, but you may have to be prepared for a difficult conversation.
If your partner won’t leave and they have been unfaithful, you will have to live somewhere else to be granted a divorce on the grounds of adultery.
Start the legal process
Nothing says “I want a divorce” quite like divorce papers.
Speak to divorce solicitors in your area to find out how to get the process started.
You should always speak to your spouse before you start the legal process.
However, it makes sense to speak to a divorce lawyer before you have this conversation.
They will be able to advise you on the best route to divorce and how to get the process started.
The quicker you can finalise your divorce, the quicker you can both get your lives back on track.