Domestic violence is a silent killer that impacts more than ten million people every year. With the Coronavirus situation, domestic violence has reached an all-time high. This tragedy leaves many people wondering what they can do to help their friends and loved ones that they suspect are victims of abuse.
Here are some things to keep in mind when supporting a victim of domestic violence.
Create a Safe Space
Let the person know that they always have a safe place to retreat to, either physically or emotionally. If you suspect that someone you love is being abused, let them know that your door and your heart is always open to them.
Many victims of domestic abuse feel cut off from their friends and loved ones and are given the impression that they have nowhere to go. Oftentimes, this idea is reinforced by their abuser, who wants them to feel trapped.
Learn to Listen
One of the best things you can do when supporting an abuse victim is learning to be quiet and listen. Rather than offering opinions or advice, refrain from commenting and let them vent. Offer validation and support, asking clarifying questions as needed. While it may not seem like much, the value of being an active listener cannot be understated.
Don’t Question or Accuse
Use questions to clarify what the person is thinking or feeling. Don’t question their experience in a way that casts doubt. In other words, believe them and accept their truth. It’s worth reminding them that this situation is not their fault and that they aren’t alone.
If the accused abuser is someone you care about, it can be hard to accept what’s being said. Keep in mind that abusers are notoriously skilled at putting on a charming and friendly facade. Don’t accuse the victim of falsifying or exaggerating information.
Don’t Pressure Them
A victim is not going to leave their abuser until they feel ready. Unfortunately, that’s never for some people. Continuously pushing them to leave or berating them for staying is ultimately going to push them away from you.
Don’t pressure them to leave. Instead, ask why they stay and see if there is anything you can do to provide an alternative. The more solid the support network, the more likely an abuse victim is to leave.
Provide Resources
Provide resources to help your friend or loved one find additional support outside of what you can provide. Providing a list of shelters, programs, or domestic battery attorneys can show the victim that they have options. Give them the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1−800−799−7233) so that they can talk to an informed and unbiased third party.
Help Create a Plan
When supporting someone dealing with domestic violence, it’s absolutely paramount that you don’t confront or provoke the abuser. Instead, help create a safety plan.
Help your friend choose a safe place to retreat to when violence occurs, whether that’s your home or a shelter. Cover everything from transportation to finances. Help them put together an emergency bag with passports, cash, birth certificates, and any pertinent financial documentation. You can also create a codeword or phrase for the person to use when they need help so that you can contact the authorities discreetly.
Build Them Up
Abuse victims often feel a lack of confidence and self-esteem as a result of their abuse. Take every opportunity you can to build them up and remind them of all the great things about them. Restoring their sense of self-worth is an essential step for helping them make important decisions about their future.
Domestic violence is a serious issue. If you believe the person is in immediate danger, call 911. Otherwise, be a trusted source of support and compassion— sometimes that’s the best you can do.