Parents want to shield their kids from the pain of losing a loved one.
Whether it’s their pet rabbit, their grandparent, or a favorite relative, parents never want to see their kids in pain.
Many times, the death of a grandparent is a kid’s first real encounter with mortality.
Children are so full of life that they are bursting with energy.
It is sometimes hard to fathom that death is also near them.
Dealing with a loss is always difficult no matter your age, but it is even harder if you are not honest with them.
Children Benefit from Honest Information
When do you know that you have to tell your kids about their grandparents’ eventual demise?
If your parents or your in-laws are in a hospice care facility, there’s a good chance you decided to put them there because they are terminally ill. Talk to their doctors.
Let them know that their grandkids are hopeful that they will soon come home.
The doctors will give you an honest medical assessment. That will tell you that it’s time to open the topic with your kids.
You don’t have to shut your children out of their grandparents’ lives.
While you might think you’re only protecting them from seeing how physically weak their grandparents are becoming, the dishonesty will hurt them more. Be open to them about the situation.
Don’t keep them in the dark because they will draw the wrong conclusions about their grandparents.
Take Them to See Their Grandparents
It’s important for the kids to maintain their relationships with their grandparents even if the latter are already on their deathbeds.
They can alleviate the loneliness by talking to their grandparents the way only kids do: animated and energetic.
Children have the power to make grandparents forget what they are facing because they will not speak to them with apprehension.
The kids can even show their grandparents some of the work they do in school. They can write letters and draw pictures.
Don’t Associate Death with Sickness
Kids might get scared with the idea that being sick will always lead to death.
They will be afraid of their own sniffles or when you save you have a headache.
Be cautious about associating sickness with death.
Explain to them that there are illnesses, like the ones their grandparents have, that might sometimes lead to death.
They should still feel alright about getting a cough or cold. They should understand that getting sick is not always about dying.
Listen to What the Children Are Saying
Sometimes, they have loads of questions about death.
Sometimes, they can’t even begin to fathom their feelings.
You need to learn to listen both to the questions and the silence. Death is always a hard concept to understand, even to adults. So why should your kids be any different?
Answer their questions as honestly as you can.
Even if they keep asking the same thing, be patient to explain things to them. More than anything else, your kids need patience and understanding.
They need to know that it’s okay not to understand everything for now, but you’re there anyway if they need answers.
Make Sure They Don’t Feel at Fault
Your attitude toward your kids can also make them feel they are at fault for what is happening to their grandparents.
Sometimes, when parents are frustrated, they tend to take that frustration out on the kids.
They snap at them, and they notice every little thing the kids do.
This might make them feel that even when it comes to their grandparents’ demise, they are somehow at fault.
You need to stop making your kids your emotional punching bag.
Your kids need the support they can only get from their parents. Think about how they’re feeling amid all the overwhelming emotions of the situation.
It’s Okay Not to Have All the Answers
You are at a loss for words at times. How do you explain to your kids what death means?
What will happen after their grandparents pass on? Where will they go? It’s okay not to have the right answers right now.
Sometimes, telling your kids you don’t know, too, will help empower them.
So, their parents don’t know all the answers, too?
Well, then, why should they feel frustrated about not knowing everything, too?
That will make you more human in their eyes and that should be okay.
Do you know that there’s so much to learn from kids about death, too?
You will hear them talking fondly about their grandparents. That will put your heart at peace. This kind of innocent understanding can only come from children.