The relationships you had in high school and college all seemed to thrive off the drama factor that plagues each couple. Nothing says thrilling like an intensely passionate duo that has the “can’t live with them, can’t live without them” mindset. However, after the days of financial liberation, careless fun and blossoming independence, this once dreamy illusion is no longer as appealing to you as an adult rather than a young person. As you mature, you should be seeking stability. Although many might think it’s impossible to have a relationship free of drama, it can be achieved. But why do we still crave these theatrics, and how can we turn our love life around?
The Psychology of Drama
The idea of someone being addicted to the drama is not as foreign as it may sound. We all know someone who needs intensity in every aspect of life, and you might even be one of them (there’s no judgment here). While the drama might be exhilarating at the time, it never really serves any healthy purpose in your life. The loosely termed “addiction to drama” often perpetuates a cycle of anxiety, fear and altogether negativity in your life. Yet people across the world still attract this in their lives, so it must be benefiting them in some way.
However, many people cannot be blamed for these actions. The intense emotions brought on during a dramatic episode have recently been linked to the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). What you perceive as dramatic can be a heightened sensitivity to emotions and situations. This reaction to emotions isn’t all bad, either. The people who are displaying these feelings openly are giving insight into the truth that many others feel too afraid to reveal.
The Unnecessary Game
During a relationship with another person, you are especially vulnerable and subject to more complex emotions that involve a significant other. Dating and relationships are known for having a level of the back-and-forth chasing game. The invigoration you experience when the butterflies start, your palms start sweating and you feel a little sick in the stomach is, for some reason, closely connected to the concept of love. Once a relationship becomes comfortable, those symptoms subside and everything feels, dare I say, normal. For most women, that triggers warning bells in some sense. Among the variety of reasons for this sought-after drama lies a need for attention from your partner, spontaneity and a consuming desire to be loved. You will probably agree that the lack of intensity might feel like the spark is starting to fade, which might call for a bit of instigated drama to keep the love alive. Surely, if we experience these misunderstood needs, they must be vital to healthy relationships and manageable in moderation, right?
Eliminate Cruel Intentions
The drama you seek does not have to be necessarily negative. Passion in a romance is a vital component in a healthy relationship. It drives the continuous love and desire for each other. The dangerous part comes when passion turns it anger or irritation. The old idea of a love/hate relationship is by no means a healthy one. Those extreme highs don’t have to be followed by equally extreme lows. Once you eliminate the misconception that drama has to be negative, you open the possibility for healthy drama, if you find it necessary. When you come to understand how negative drama is only counterproductive to the love, you’ll notice positive ways to reinforce this need for love and attention. This could be a dramatic, romantic gesture rather than a screaming match over a minuscule problem. See your sensitivity to the emotions as a guide for cultivating a better relationship, rather than a tool for destruction.
Keep It Simple
There are many fantastic and well research resources to assist you on your drama cleanse. Our technology savvy lives offer many of these resources. Online dating (hear me out) is a gift sent from the relationship gods in a time where romance no longer means what it used to. Anyone with a mobile phone or laptop can indulge in this convenient method of hand-picking a suitor. No matter where you are, or how hopeless you think the situation is, there is someone for you in your town or city. Forget prowling a nightclub for a sweating, drunk man or lady who can hardly interact with you at the time. Instead, try a dating site like Badoo when dating in Texas, Chicago, Los Angeles or Indiana (in other words, anywhere and everywhere). Online dating gives you a golden opportunity to choose your date, get to know them a little before being subject to dinner and a movie, and practically handcraft your potential partner. The way this reduces drama is because there is less anxiety surrounding an awkward first date, more cards are laid out on the table than usual, and if it really doesn’t work, there is literally nothing lost on your side. This simple and laid back start to the relationship can reduce any potential drama to come and set the tone.
The Power of Words, Tone, and Approach
The way you communicate with people is more about how they interpret what you are saying, than the actual words you use. Thanks to extensive research, psychology can teach you how to defuse any drama with the use of the right tone, body language and approach to each situation. The reality is that no relationship is free from the problems of life and coordinating your world with another person’s. Issues are bound to arise, but the outcome of the issues is dependent on how you handle them and your significant other. Just by being aware of how you feel, you can practice mindful responses when the spirit of the relationship seems to be dwindling. The best way to handle these situations includes listening and making an effort to understand, staying calm, be patient and be willing to compromise.
Managing Your Emotions
Whether you can call yourself a Highly Sensitive Person, or you just have a flair for drama, or are in a relationship with such a person, dealing with the drama all comes down to the emotions you or your partner feel and how to manage them. Instead of getting into the heavy aspect of this topic, it’s simpler to keep things as relaxed as possible and find calm and stress-free ways to manage these situations. Mindfulness and yoga are two popular methods used to keep emotions in check. By practicing yoga and meditation you train your mind to stay calm and focused during stressful situations and heightened emotions. The key is learning to center yourself during any type of headspace you’re experiencing. This is an easy, healthy and enjoyable activity that benefits a lot more than just you, but also your interpersonal relationships and your love life. Your partner could even join for a yoga session now and then.
Find the Fun, Forget the Fury
It’s typical of women (and many men) to believe that if there’s no drama, something is wrong. Rather than appreciate the calm and comfort of a content romance, you might stir up trouble to make sure your partner still cares. When you do this, you launch the relationship into that dramatic cycle that you actually want to avoid. Instead of turning the need for assurance into a fight, turn it into a fun date or evening together. When you’re feeling insecure it’s the prime opportunity for an intimate night out to pamper the relationship, not add pressure to it. Whichever city you live in, there are ample options for mood lightening activities you can enjoy together without aggravating the situation. Watch a comedy, take a walk on the beach, go eat your favorite meal or go dancing. By suggesting a positive response to tension or a low mood, you reflect your eagerness to nurture the relationship and reduce the negative vibes floating around. At the end of the evening, you’ll find that you both feel calmer and more comfortable, with those prior feelings largely subsided.
Your love life shouldn’t play out like a soap opera. If it does, you should be worried. A drama-free relationship needs simplicity and understanding, as well as a lot of fun and lightheartedness, especially if it’s still early days. Luckily, if you haven’t found that significant other yet, you still have the chance to choose wisely and start the romance on steady, serene footing. If you’re in a stable partnership that seems to attract drama, your best remedy is to step back, listen to your partner and try to set the mood for any difficult situations. The romance was never meant to be heartbreaking. It was meant to be thrilling and dramatic – in a positive, loving way. When you use the initial feeling of drama and turn it into actions and reactions of love and care (as difficult as it may be), you’ll see that tendency to cause a scene is no longer what you crave. Instead, learning to be content with the calm will prove to be groundbreaking for the future of your love life. If you can manifest happiness in your life, which you can, you should go for it.