There are some people who are purely a pleasure to be around– those who almost glow with a wonderful aura of positive energy. They are the philanthropists, charity organizers, helping hands and truly good people that we all know, and spending time with them is a pleasant, uplifting experience that leaves you feeling balanced and happy. These people provide a wonderful exchange of positive energy that is vital to our social existence.
Then…there are the other type of people. Those who are on the opposite end of the spectrum who seem to drain all the positive energy out of every interaction. They are usually selfish, self-centered and so wrapped up in their own world that they are nearly incapable of a normal, healthy relationship.
Of course, most people will fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, but in this article will focus on the latter group– those who leave you feeling drained and emotionally exhausted after almost every conversation. These people are known as energy vampires.
Energy and Relationships
We all share our energy in every interaction we have with others. Just how our energy affects how we feel on a day to day basis, it also affects everyone with whom we have contact. In fact, relationships are mainly an exchange of energy. People will either inspire positive feelings and uplift you, or they will drain your energy and cause you to feel bad during and after the interaction.
Relationships are all about balance. Healthy relationships contain an appropriate and proportionate amount of give-and-take. You will want to help those you care about and create positive feelings in them. Healthy people who really care about you will feel and do the same.
Energy Vampires
The difference with an energy vampire is that they are only concerned with taking. They are selfish individuals who are either unaware or unconcerned with how energy should be exchanged and how to create balanced, healthy relationships.
Energy vampires come in all shapes, sizes, and styles. You almost certainly have come across several different types and may interact with them on a daily basis. Some of the most common include:
- The Blamers: They blame every problem they have on someone or something else and are incapable of taking responsibility for their own lives.
- The Bullies: They stomp on those around them to give themselves a sense of power.
- The Insecure Ones: They always feel inadequate and pull others down to their level.
- The Guilt Trippers: They will shame people around them to get what they desire.
- The Jealous Ones: They are incapable of being happy for anyone else because they always envy happiness.
- The Drama Queens/Kings: To them, every event is either a catastrophe or a miracle…and everyone around them has to hear about it.
- Almost countless others: The whiners, the fun haters, the short-tempered, the busybodies and so many others.
Dealing With Energy Vampires
Unfortunately, many of these people are loved ones, bosses or others with whom you are forced to associate, and you have no choice but to deal with them. So in order to do so, it is important to remember one thing above all: Their problems are about them, not you.
So often, we are drained by energy vampires and feel as though it is our own fault. We should be more helpful or more empathetic or less selfish, right? Wrong. Being an energy vampire is all about making you feel this way. When you feel guilty or unhappy, they feed on it and are more likely to get their way. Know that these negative interactions are about them alone and have nothing to do with you.
Now that you have identified them and realized it is not about you, just take a breath. Literally, breathe and step back for a moment. Recognize that their behavior is unacceptable and do not give them permission to suck your energy. Put their words or actions into perspective and remind yourself that they are a reflection of them, not you. Then remind yourself of why this relationship exists and know that you are able to walk away.