It’s been a rough couple of years, between living under the shadow of a perpetual pandemic, old men slowly stripping us of our rights, and the planet getting warmer by the season.
Sometimes it feels like a miracle that we even get out of bed in the morning.
Everyone is fighting side by side through this quicksand, but sometimes it feels worse for us moms.
Why are so many moms struggling, and how can we keep our heads above water?
We’re Exhausted
COVID-19 shut down the country in March 2020, and in the two years since, we’ve lived under this viral Sword of Damocles — especially those of us with children who were, until recently, too young to vaccinate.
One out of every four women who lost their jobs during the pandemic reported that it was due to a lack of childcare.
Moms of children under 12 lost 2.2 million jobs, whereas fathers only lost around 870,000 jobs.
Even two years later, childcare is still a challenge for many because the virus hasn’t gone anywhere, and one positive test could leave multiple families scrambling to find someone to watch their children so they don’t lose hours at work or, worse, their jobs.
This involuntary exodus from the workforce has hit BIPOC mothers as well as single mothers the hardest,
Our youngest children, in the 6-month to 5-year age group, were still vulnerable until mid-2022.
Some states (like Florida) are still vulnerable because anti-vax politicians use it as a talking point to push their agendas.
Why are moms struggling? We’re freaking exhausted.
We’re Burnt Out
News flash, kiddos — burnout doesn’t just apply to work. The WHO might call burnout an “occupational phenomenon,” but one of the official definitions of the word is “physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.”
The idea of mommy burnout isn’t a new one. Care.com published an article in 2014 that found around one-quarter of moms cry alone weekly due to stress.
Frontiers in Psychology found that about 13% of moms are experiencing what they call “high burnout.”
Add that to the fact that around 20% or one in five adults will experience mental illness in their lifetime, and it’s honestly a wonder that any of us get out of bed at all.
The best analogy is one penned by Katie Sardone, Ph.D. “It’s like a bank account that keeps dwindling.
You hit your limit and keep going, and once you overdraft, there are fees and fines and you’re going into debt. It takes so long for people to see that they’re in the red.”
Often, we don’t even notice how deep we are into mommy burnout until we completely fall apart.
It doesn’t mean we love our kids any less, but running ourselves ragged for years without a break is enough to drag anyone down. Why are moms struggling?
We’re burnt the eff out and have no chance to recover. It can take years to recover from burnout.
We’re Terrified
Raising a kid in the United States right now is terrifying.
More than 300 mass shootings have occurred in the first half of the year alone and that number keeps climbing.
Most of us are considering sending our kids back to school in the fall and debating between investing in a bulletproof panel for their backpacks.
Between that and the Supreme Court slowly sending the United States back to the dark ages, it’s no wonder moms are struggling.
We’re staring headlong at the train as it barrels down the track instead of stepping to the side to avoid the collision.
Our daughters will grow up having fewer rights than we did, and I doubt anyone expects them to stop with the Dobbs decision on Roe v. Wade.
Even without being a mother, being a woman in the United States is terrifying.
Turning Things Around
When we lay it out like the edge pieces on a puzzle, it makes the pattern easier to see, but what can we do to start turning things around?
The answer isn’t easy because, at first glance, all the puzzle pieces have different patterns, and we’re trying to match them by edge shape alone.
As a mom, especially if you find yourself in the throes of burnout, start by recognizing where you’re struggling.
Once the puzzle pieces begin to match, it’s easier to start finding solutions.
Work with family members or childcare providers to take a little time to yourself, away from the kids, work and all your stressors and responsibilities.
It’s not the perfect solution, nor will it solve years of ingrained burnout, but being willing to take time for yourself is the first step in shifting out of that perpetual burnout mindset.
For those who see the moms in their life struggling, reach out. See where you can help, even if that’s just as simple as bringing their favorite Starbucks coffee and listening to them vent.
There are a lot of problems that we’ve mentioned here that are systemic, things that will need a lot more work to change, but we can make small changes in our individual spaces that will help take the edge off and shift things back in a more positive direction.
You Are Not Alone
Whether you’re a mom-to-be or have a whole bushel of kids running underfoot, it’s important to remember that despite the struggle, you are not alone.
We might be struggling, but we’re in this together.