Your youngest or only kid is headed off to college, which should mean that you more or less did a pretty decent job as a parent of making them into an independent adult, so why do you feel so much trepidation about what lies ahead?
It’s completely normal to have mixed feelings at this stage in your life.
After all, you’ve devoted a significant chunk of, at minimum, the last 18 years to raising your child, and while they certainly won’t stop needing you the day they move out, things really never will be quite the same.
The tips below can help you adjust to this tough but ultimately rewarding change.
Plan Ahead
One of the reasons the empty nest can be so difficult is because it blindsides many parents.
Once your child is in high school, start thinking about the transition and what you want your life to look like in the years ahead.
If you are still married to or in a relationship with the other parent, the two of you have probably been very intensively focused on being parents for a long time.
This can mean that when the kids grow up, the parents realize they have little in common.
However, this isn’t inevitable, and by talking to your spouse or partner about the future and starting to take an interest in one another’s hobbies if this has fallen by the wayside, you can make the transition smoother.
Offer Financial Help
Many parents worry about their children graduating from college with a big student loan debt, and one way you may be able to help out with this is by taking out parent student loans.
A low-rate Private Parent Loan can help you pay for their education and may be a smarter financial move than borrowing against your retirement account.
You should also talk to your child about budgeting and responsible credit card use.
If they aren’t likely to be able to manage their money well, figure out a system that can account for that, such as making weekly deposits in an account instead of giving them their money as a lump sum.
Just Enough Support
This is tricky because your child is an adult now, yet you’re probably not quite ready to let them grow up and navigate everything on their own.
Even the most independently-minded kid is going to need help sometimes at this stage, and it’s good to think ahead of time about where you might need to step in.
At the other end of the spectrum, you might have a child who is still very dependent on you, and you’ll need to encourage them to try to do some problem-solving on their own even if they come to you for advice.
Let them handle roommate disputes, issues with their professors or problems with an employer if they have a part-time job.
Health issues and other more serious things, such as housing problems or problems with a landlord, may require you to step in.
Setting up a regular time for a weekly video chat can help ensure that you stay in touch and that your child feels supported but not smothered.