Dating has become something to study. Researchers now publish papers on what used to be called “talking to someone you like.”
Singles fill out surveys about their intentions, their boundaries, their fatigue. The data piles up, and what emerges is a picture of courtship that looks nothing like it did ten years ago.
People still want connection. They still want love. But the path from stranger to partner now includes phases with names, research backing, and app-specific terminology.
The Flirtationship
The first stage starts with attraction. Researchers at the University of Illinois have named this the “flirtationship,” a period where two people notice each other and begin testing the waters.
This happens on apps, at bars, through mutual friends, or in the comments section of an Instagram post. The point is the same: someone catches your attention, and you signal interest.
Tinder’s Chief Marketing Officer, Melissa Hobley, has noted that singles are being upfront about what they want from the beginning. The company’s data shows phrases like “Looking for…” became the most common in 2024 dating profiles.
Over half of respondents said they set boundaries before a first message was exchanged. The flirtationship, in other words, now comes with disclaimers.
From Talking to Committed: What the Research Says
University of Illinois research published in February 2025 identified four stages in a relationship, beginning with what researchers call the “flirtationship.” This early phase involves initial attraction and the exploration of common interests.
What follows is the talking stage, a pre-commitment period that has drawn formal academic attention.
A study from the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy in September 2024 confirmed this as a distinct phase, though data from the Institute for Family Studies shows only 7.6% of emerging adults prefer it over actual dates.
The DTR conversation, or “define the relationship,” marks the transition toward commitment.
Bumble’s 2025 research predicts this year will see more couples pushing for clarity, with 72% of users globally focused on finding long-term partners. Hinge data supports this, reporting that 84% of Gen Z users on the platform seek new ways to build emotional intimacy.
The pattern is consistent: singles are moving away from ambiguity and toward stated intentions.
What Happens During the Talking Stage
The talking stage sits between flirting and dating. You text this person more than anyone else. You might send memes, share playlists, exchange inside jokes.
Tinder’s data indicates 86% of singles now consider these behaviors legitimate forms of affection. The grand gesture has given way to what some call “micro-mance.”
But most people do not want to stay here. The Institute for Family Studies surveyed 655 emerging adults and found that only 7.6% preferred the talking stage to actual dates. The rest wanted someone to ask them out or wanted to do the asking themselves.
The talking stage exists, but it is not where people want to live.
Hinge data shows that couples average 3 days of messaging and about 25 messages before exchanging numbers. That is not a long courtship.
The company also reports that 72% of dates on its platform lead to a second date. People are moving through this phase with intention.
Situationships and Their Decline
For years, the situationship occupied a strange middle ground. It was more than casual, less than committed, and nobody could say what it actually was. YouGov data shows 50% of Americans aged 18 to 34 have been in one. The reasons are varied.
Hinge research found 56% of Gen Z users stopped pursuing relationships due to fear of rejection. Another 57% held back on confessing feelings because they worried it would be off-putting.
The result was a lot of undefined arrangements. But that appears to be changing. Tinder’s research indicates situationships are losing favor. Singles report wanting clarity, and the trend toward stating intentions upfront makes vague connections harder to maintain.
Bumble’s 2025 data suggests this could be “the year of the ultimatum,” with couples finally defining their relationships.
Tinder has introduced a new term: nanoships. These are small connections that matter, even if they do not become long-term partnerships. Instead of viewing every match as a potential relationship or nothing at all, users are finding meaning in brief interactions.
The binary thinking that created situationships may be loosening.
The Conversation That Changes Everything
DTR stands for “define the relationship.” It typically happens after the talking stage, once both people have expressed feelings and need to decide what comes next. This conversation has become a focal point for 2025 dating.
Bumble’s research, drawn from over 40,000 Gen Z and millennial members worldwide, found that 64% of women respondents are getting clear about what they want and refusing to settle. The company predicts couples will push for definitions this year amid a search for stability. The data supports a move toward commitment.
Gen Z shows particular interest in emotional depth. Hinge’s 2025 Gen Z D.A.T.E. Report reveals 84% of users on the platform seek new ways to build emotional intimacy.
But hesitation remains. 49% of heterosexual Gen Z women are reluctant to start deep conversations on a first date because they want the other person to go first.
Only 17% of heterosexual Gen Z men say the same. Meanwhile, 42% of heterosexual Gen Z women feel the men they date do not want deep conversations early on, while 65% of heterosexual Gen Z men say they actually do.
The disconnect suggests that both parties want meaningful talk but neither is sure the other does.
Dating App Fatigue
The platforms that facilitate these connections are also causing exhaustion.
A press release from RAW dating app claims 79% of Gen Z report burnout from traditional apps. A 2024 Ofcom report documented declines in the UK: Tinder lost 594,000 users, Bumble dropped 368,000, and Hinge fell by 131,000 between May 2023 and May 2024.
Statista data shows that only 26% of online dating service users in the U.S. are 18 to 29 years old. The 30 to 49 age group makes up 61% of that user base. Younger singles are pulling back.
Yet some platforms are growing within this demographic. On Hinge, Gen Z makes up more than 50% of users.
Feeld has seen an 89% increase in Gen Z membership over the past year. The fatigue is not universal; it depends on the platform and what it offers.
First Dates in 2025
Singles are rethinking how they meet in person. Tinder’s data shows 39% of surveyed singles will prioritize sober dates in 2025. The same percentage plan to make outdoor activities their first date.
The coffee shop or bar is giving way to walks, hikes, and activities where alcohol is not the focus.
Dr. Christie Kederian, a celebrity matchmaker and relationship therapist, notes that meaningful conversations and slower courtships are in favor this year.
She attributes this to increased therapy attendance and self-awareness. People are bringing their personal work into their dating lives. The General Social Survey, a federally-funded national opinion poll, found that nearly 25% of people aged 18 to 29 had no sex in the past year.
This data point sits alongside everything else: the talking stages, the DTR conversations, the app fatigue.
Young adults are approaching intimate relationships differently than previous generations did. The stages are longer, more defined, and more intentional.
What happens next depends on who is doing the dating and what they decide to ask for.