While it’s undeniable that having your first child brings a new unforgettable dimension to your relationship, and one that is unparalleled, it would be churlish and wrong to pretend that it’s all a picnic.
In the first few years of your new family life, you are bound to hit a number of obstacles when it comes to the relationship you have with your husband, wife, or partner.
Some of these roadblocks may feel impossible to navigate, but in the end, fingers crossed, you’ll come out the other side stronger than ever before.
Your relationship will never be the same again after you’ve had children, and this isn’t a bad thing at all.
The bond you’ll have will undoubtedly become stronger; after all, it has to be, as what was previously a two-person arrangement has now become three or perhaps even more.
As well as having a child changing the dynamic of your relationship it also alters who you are as individuals.
That shift in thinking, both internally and externally, takes some getting used to, and it’s in these first few months and years that we are all tested to our limits.
Change is good. Change is inevitable, and change is what shapes us all.
Here are a few things to consider and think about when it comes to maintaining a healthy and burgeoning relationship, even in the most trying of times.
Keep Talking
Often, issues in a relationship, and this is as relevant with or without having children, worsen due to a lack of communication.
It can become easier to accept things as they are than to openly discuss problems that are clearly there.
The problem here is that just by ignoring matters that affect you and your relationship, you don’t resolve them.
When you have a baby, the initial months and years can be a rollercoaster and one that can seem to run endlessly, so much so that you might even forget about the underlying issues altogether.
It’s crucial that you talk about things that upset you and concern you and not let them bottle up inside. Often a failure to discuss even the smallest things can lead to explosive arguments that can prove far more disastrous and painful than the actual issue itself.
Once the baby is finally asleep, sit down and discuss things in a calm and rational manner, perhaps over a nice glass of wine.
Do so in a friendly, cordial manner, and don’t try to point score. Listen to the other side’s point of view and then try to deal with the problem step-by-step.
Don’t Escalate
If you are having a tough morning or day and you are struggling, it can be almost inevitable that discussions become arguments that lead to point-scoring activities.
You probably know the scenario all too well.
Usually, one party might say that they haven’t slept well, then you might be tempted to say, ‘Neither have I,’ and then a downward spiral begins.
It’s important to remember you are equal parts in the equation and need to work as a team and therefore try to avoid escalating the situation. Seek to resolve issues and not exacerbate them.
Date Night
This is crucial. Regardless of how tired you may be feeling or any issues the two of you are tiptoeing around, you need to let off steam and enjoy some downtime.
It’s perfectly fine to do so individually while the other looks after your child; doing so together serves a dual purpose.
Taking time for yourselves while a family member or babysitter looks after the little one is crucial. It helps you to let your hair down and is a good chance to remind yourself that you are more than just parents.
Set a date so that it’s something you can both look forward to; perhaps select an establishment that has cozy restaurant booths so you can enjoy a more intimate dining experience and catch up with each other.
In many ways, this arrangement can become the oasis within the desert of ongoing chores that will become part of life, especially in the years before your child starts kindergarten or school.
Share the Load
In a modern-day partnership, it’s important that the workload related to your newborn child is shared as much as possible.
This doesn’t necessarily mean an even split of what is necessary during the day-to-day aspect of having a young family, but it does mean sharing as much as possible in terms of what time you each have.
If one of you is working full-time while the other is at home with the baby for much of the day, then even taking the baby out for a morning walk (which you can combine with a much-needed coffee run) could prove invaluable and will also help you to create a strong bond with your baby.
Evenly distributing the workload when it comes to your baby waking up in the middle of the night is also important, as sleep, for all parties, is hugely important.
Restless nights are to be expected, but prolonged periods of not sleeping well can only lead to strain on your relationship.
Voice Your Appreciation
Words of encouragement are important. Tell her she’s being a great mom, and tell him he’s a great dad. Whenever you feel it within you, speak it out loud.
We don’t, as a society, do this enough, but it’s crucially important when you are new parents.
If you see your child’s eyes light up when mommy comes home, then tell her, as these kinds of warm words truly help to make up for the very real travails that are part and parcel of being a parent.