When your marriage comes to an end in divorce, it can be a difficult and emotional time. However, you are still required to go through the legal processes of the divorce until it is finalized. This requires some guidance which is why you should retain a lawyer as soon as you decide to end your marriage.
This article discusses things to keep in mind before filing a divorce.
Be sure you really want it
As much as you feel you want out, divorce is a process and it affects all those involved in the separation. Take your time and try to see if there is something left to try and make the relationship work. You can try separate without signing the divorce papers to give each other time to see if you can work your differences out. If for sure both parties still feel the need to end the union, you can go ahead and do it the legal way. There are many divorce lawyers willing to handle your case. Just contact one and go through the process.
Divorce doesn’t end your Problems
You need to know that no matter how much you need the freedom, it does not mean your problems will come to an end after divorce. Sometimes it could be that most disagreements happened because of your attitude and getting a divorce does not mean your attitude will be different. You will need to sit and work on yourself and also adjust. It happens that some people get more miserable after divorce. You need to be ready for a change.
You will need time to heal
Divorce is painful and will affect you a lot before you adjust. It is important to take time to heal and accept the situation. It may not matter who calls it quits since the process of divorce affects both partners. If kids are involved, it is important to take time before introducing a new partner to them. You also need time before getting into a new relationship.
Prepare your kids
Many parents erroneously believe that very young (infants, toddlers) and/or adult children will not be affected by their separation, but this is far from true. Do not regard your separation as a matter only affecting you and your spouse; the children too must be considered and their needs placed above any mutual disdain or differences.
This is not to say that parents must stay together “for the children’s sake” when the relationship has reached an irresolvable impasse. Rather, every discussion must consider the children as parties in the discussion, even when they are absent. This must be done very deliberately since parents are often stressed and preoccupied in the time leading up to and following separation. Take time to prepare them and make them understand that it is not their fault that you two are going separate ways. It is also advisable that arrangements be made during the separation period or as soon as you decide to end the marriage. You should involve an experienced family lawyer to get you through the separation process and advise you on what to expect with regard to the financial welfare of your children.
Custody of children
During a divorce, the custody of children from the marriage is one of the most important matters under discussion. Remember at all times that custody cases are not about you or your spouse, but rather what is in the best interests of your child(ren). Even though each case is considered uniquely according to the circumstances surrounding it, you need to have first-hand information of who gets to stay with the children.
Plan the children’s calendar
Where there is shared/joint custody or arranged visitation, parents and their lawyers should sit and draw out each child’s calendar in detail and how events will be handled following the separation. Who will have them at each birthday or holiday? How will vacations be planned? The child’s life should be maintained at the greatest degree of normalcy as possible to allow them to transition smoothly. This allows the child to focus on understanding the new relationship and its terms, instead of bearing the brunt of practical oversights by the parents.
Be ready to lose friends
It is not in all situations that friends stand by you. In a divorce case, you will have friends who are of different opinion – who think you should not be going that route. If you don’t go by their idea, they are likely to break the friendship and keep their distance. You should be ready to handle such instances and be strong even if no one supports your idea. It is all about your life and your happiness. Do what you feel right for you and those that you care for.
Create new traditions
Couples have places they love going for vacations, picnics, and outings. It may take a while to stop planning and thinking about your holidays together but you can try new things. If you were used to doing dinners outside your home on weekends, try and cook in the house. You can also choose to do something different during the times you used to be away for a vacation like volunteering in homes for the needy and elderly. This will keep your mind occupied and you will create new memories. You can also go to places where you make new friends and share new life experiences.
No one wishes to get married then later separate from the love of his/her life. But just like any relationship, a fairy tale union can go sour. There is no such thing as going through an easy divorce as it is always an emotionally draining process with long-term legal effects. It is important to have a lawyer who will help you choose a suitable legal method of separation, guide you on where and how to file it as well as advice you on how you should divide the property. This will ease your burden of legal battle and focus on working on yourselves and children if you have any.