Complicated birth means different things to different people. A woman may experience complications that lead to the birth of a child with a birth defect, or she may lose her child at birth or in the few days after it. How you handle each situation differs slightly.
Being a good friend to someone who just lost their child or received hard news about their child doesn’t require counseling skills or special knowledge. Use empathy to reach out to your friend. These ideas offer ways to help that anyone can do.
When Your Friend Loses Their Child in a Complicated Birth
Whether stillborn or a child who only survives a few days, your friend not only must deal with the loss of a child but also the despair that comes with being robbed of the elation and anticipation of life with their child. Of course, send flowers to the funeral, but also, purchase a potted plant or flower in a unique color. Flowers like orchids cost less than $100 and come already potted.
Visit them or phone to give them your sympathies. Avoid using platitudes. Instead, simply say something like, “I am so sorry for your loss. I know nothing I can say can change things, but I am here if you need to talk.’
Take them food, too. People always bring food to the home of someone who suffered a loss because they know from experience that in a time of loss, planning the funeral and phoning family takes over. Compounded by grief, most people forget to cook or can’t bring themselves to do so. Taking a casserole or lasagna over to their home ensures they have prepared food ready so they can eat without thinking about it.
Don’t worry if you’re not the world’s best cook. You can order a nice dinner for them from a restaurant. Use a delivery service like 51% of Americans, Nation’s Restaurant News reports. You don’t have to be one of the 26% who order weekly takeout or delivery to use these services, and they will deliver to any address you provide.
When Your Friend Receives a Birth Defect Diagnosis for Their Child after a Complicated Birth
Everyday, mothers give birth to children with birth defects. Some diseases show up in vitro, others at birth, and others don’t get diagnosed until the child becomes a toddler. Recognizing that this does not change your friend’s love for their child and letting them know that you feel the same can offer some support. Simply say something like, “I love you, and I love your child. I will help in any way I can.”
Most diagnoses come with a range of treatments. Rare disorders, like Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita (AMC), impact one in 3,000 births, according to the Pediatric Movement Center. It requires consistent physical therapy through the child’s teen years. You may offer to babysit their other children while they attend therapy sessions.
Before your friend comes home from the hospital after giving birth, you may consider cleaning their home, preparing a few meals to easily heat up, and offering to pet sit if they have dogs or cats at home that need care. Such actions show you care and are there for your friends as they adjust to something new.
As you can see, there are many ways to support a friend after complications due to birth. Providing care for their home, family, pets, and well-being is more helpful than you realize. Check in with your friend often to make sure they know they are cared about.