Finding out a friend has cancer can come as a huge shock. And with that shock can come a want to help them in whatever way you can.
Supporting someone with cancer isn’t always easy and can even change the dynamic of your relationship.
However, we all know how much of a difference it can make to have help from loved ones when we are going through something tough.
That’s why we’ve put together this list of suggestions for how to help a friend with cancer, including ways that you can support them emotionally and ideas for practical assistance that can make day-to-day tasks feel more manageable.
Be there to listen
For many people navigating a cancer diagnosis, simply knowing that they have people around them means an awful lot.
You can offer your friend valuable emotional support just by being there for them. Send them a message, phone them from time to time and/or pop by in person. Just be sure to check it’s convenient first in case they aren’t up for visitors.
Allow them to talk about what they are going through and how they are feeling but let it happen organically; don’t push them to open up if it’s clear they don’t want to.
And whilst you may feel inclined to offer advice or compare their situation to others that you know, refrain from doing this unless they specifically ask.
Instead, just listen. Make sure that you turn off distractions and maintain eye contact so that your friend knows they have your attention.
Let them lead the conversation and avoid interruption but do acknowledge what they say using affirmative gestures and sounds.
Use kind and sincere words
Having someone to talk to is important for many people with cancer as it helps them feel less alone and process their emotions.
When talking to someone with cancer, the most meaningful thing is that your words are sincere and that if you offer help, you don’t renege on this.
Let your knowledge of your friend guide how you talk to them. If they are your lifelong bestie, you both may be comfortable speaking about their diagnosis in more depth and with more emotion.
But the conversation doesn’t always have to centre around cancer.
It’s still ok to talk about the same things you always have, whether that’s what’s going on in the world, each other’s families or something amusing you saw online.
However, if they are a relatively new friend or someone you don’t see all that regularly, then it may be more difficult to know what to say.
You can demonstrate that you are thinking of them and that you care about them by saying such things as “I’m so sorry this is happening to you” and “Is there anything I can do to support you?”
Attend appointments with them
Going to medical appointments can be daunting, especially if someone is anticipating bad news or is having a procedure. That’s why your friend might welcome someone they trust going along with them for emotional support.
Having another set of ears can also be valuable when receiving information as it means there’s someone else to talk through it with later.
Plus, offering to drive them to the appointment contributes to their overall experience being a calmer one, as they don’t have to navigate traffic or parking on their own. They’ll also know that they have a ride back home once the appointment is over, which is great if they are experiencing fatigue, pain, or head fog.
Lend a hand
Managing day-to-day life can feel overwhelming when you have cancer. Physical constraints can impact how much your friend can do and their ever-changing emotions are likely to affect their motivation and productivity.
That’s why offering hands-on support can be invaluable. And it can be particularly important if the person having treatment lives on their own or has dependents such as young children or ageing parents.
If you aren’t sure about what type of practical help will make the most difference to your friend, just ask.
Discuss what time you have available to support them and what types of tasks are within your capability.
They could include doing a weekly food shop for them, for instance, or picking up their kids from school so that your friend has time for a short rest before they get home.
Cook them a meal
A loss of appetite, taste changes and food aversions are common after chemotherapy which can make eating difficult.
In addition, many cancer patients suffer from fatigue, meaning they just don’t have the energy to prepare, cook and eat well-balanced meals.
That’s why offering to cook your friend a meal can support their overall wellbeing.
If you are able, you can even cook meals and put them into freezer-safe containers so that they can store them and reheat them as they need.
Just be sure to check what sorts of foods they enjoy and can stomach, as well as if they have any dietary requirements or preferences for meal types.
Give a Gift
A considerate gift can go a long way in helping a friend stay positive and alleviate some of the side effects of treatment.
For example, dry skin and lips are common following chemotherapy. Therefore, unscented hand cream and lip balm can be a thoughtful and useful present.
Or if you know your friend is spending quite a lot of time resting, you could get them a tablet and a streaming service subscription, so they have something to watch when in bed.