Between 35% and 50% of first marriages end in divorce. This rate increases for subsequent marriages.
Unfortunately, many divorces aren’t amicable. We’ve all heard stories of nasty court battles following the breaking up of a marriage.
If you’ve been through an ugly divorce, or are going through one, getting your life back on track can be tough. That said, it’s not impossible, and plenty of people have done it.
Read on as we offer tips on how to deal with an ugly divorce.
Don’t Let Your Ex Provoke You
At some point during your divorce, you’ll probably be tempted to lash out at your ex-partner. This is best avoided, though.
Divorces, especially bitter divorces, are like a flame. It’s unpleasant and hurts when you’re close to it, but it doesn’t seem like a problem once you have some space.
Remember that you ultimately have similar objectives to your spouse: to get out of the marriage and set yourself up for a good life on your own. Do some self-reflecting. Think about everything you’re trying to get in the divorce.
Do you need everything you asked for? Is there anything you asked for specifically to make your ex angry?
If so, let it go. It’s the right thing to do, and a little consideration goes a long way towards mending relationships.
Recognize Your Emotions
Divorce isn’t fun, and that’s okay. You’ve been with the other person for a long time, and it’s going to hurt separating from them. That doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision.
You might be sad, angry, or any number of other things. Those emotions are just signs that you care about the other person.
You may always care about them, even if you can’t be with them anymore. That’s natural, and it can be a great basis for a functional relationship after the divorce.
This is especially true if children are involved. You probably both want custody, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It means that you both love your kids. Hire good custody lawyers and present your case.
Remember that you’ll probably get to see your kids regardless of the results of the custody battle. Courts want kids to have both parents in their lives, because that’s what’s best for them.
Don’t Blame Yourself
There’s a temptation to blame ourselves for divorce or see divorce as a failure. Divorce doesn’t mean you’ve failed, and self-blaming is unhealthy but normal.
Guilt is created by two regions of our brains, and these two regions together play a role in developing a sense of morality and allowing for personal growth.
The problem is that dysfunction can arise when we blame ourselves too much, and this can lead to depression. Worse yet is that it becomes a cycle, because depression often increases self-blame.
Coping With an Ugly Divorce
Getting through an ugly divorce is a taxing experience, but it doesn’t have to end with bitterness or misery. You might find that you and your ex get along better once the process is over.
The important thing to do is recognize that emotions are running high, and not everything that gets said is really meant. Forgive, be patient, and carry on.
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