Confident, ambitious women can sometimes have a hard time finding a mate who’s on their level. High-functioning, emotionally available men usually aren’t on the dating market for long. You’ll probably cross paths with Mr. Wrong more often than Mr. Right. To avoid settling down with the wrong guy, here are seven indicators that you’ve found a great catch, and three warning signs he’s not the one.
1. He’s Thriving in His Career
High-functioning men tend to have thriving careers. However, this doesn’t always translate to a top salary. Men in helping professions like teaching and counseling may not pull in six figures, but are often excellent partners. So make sure to look for other markers of professional success besides salary, especially if your date hasn’t been in the workforce for long. It can take men in certain professions a while to work their way up. But if he has a strong work ethic and is committed to professional development, the recognition and promotions are sure to come.
2. He Takes Pride in His Space
It’s a big red flag if your mate lives in squalor. Even if he has roommates, a high-functioning man will take pride in his space and try to keep things clean and tidy. If he still lives with his parents, he’ll make an effort to contribute to chores and household expenses. Competent men who are ready for long-term relationships have life skills and know how to do basic chores. If you find yourself cleaning up after your man frequently, he probably isn’t the one for you.
3. He Knows How to Plan
Women with low-functioning men have to take on a disproportionate share of the mental load. Doing most of the household planning leaves women feeling drained and resentful, especially when children come into the picture. If your man doesn’t demonstrate good planning skills now, it may be best to break it off.
High-functioning men have no trouble organizing dates, buying gifts, and arranging special trips for their partners. It’s a bad sign if your date needs you to coach him through these relatively simple tasks. Men who struggle during the dating phase will likely need hand-holding for the rest of the relationship.
4. He Has Good Impulse Control
High-functioning men can control their actions and reactions. They don’t have vices like a video game addiction or alcohol dependency. Mr. Right won’t blow up at you and completely lose his cool during arguments either. If your man has lots of bad habits or poor coping mechanisms, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
5. He’s Thoughtful
A man who has a handle on his responsibilities will have the time and emotional energy to go the extra mile for you. He isn’t overwhelmed by his own life, so he can pour into your relationship. A thoughtful man will remember your favorite flowers, perform acts of service for you, and generally make your life better. Mr. Right will enhance your happiness by being kind, attentive, and responsive.
6. He Has Great Communication Skills
Disagreements are inevitable and happen in every relationship. However, it’s important to pay attention to how your man handles them. If he has poor communication skills, he may resort to petty insults, yelling, and playing the blame game. On the other hand, a high-functioning man will remain calm, listen to your perspective, and try to reach a genuine compromise.
7. He’s Emotionally Available
A good partner will also be emotionally available and willing to talk about his feelings. He won’t force you to guess how he’s doing or withhold personal information to make you feel like you barely know him. Emotionally available, high-functioning men will respect your emotions and concerns. They won’t avoid important conversations or make light of serious topics, making it easier to connect with them on a deep level.
8. Red Flag: He Doesn’t Respect You
There’s no room for belittling behavior in a healthy relationship. A high-functioning man would never disrespect you by dismissing your emotions or calling you hurtful names. Insecure men tear their partner down to build themselves up. You shouldn’t tolerate that kind of destructive dynamic in a relationship.
9. Warning Sign: He Displays Weaponized Incompetence
The right man for you won’t display weaponized incompetence. If he doesn’t know how to do something, Mr. Right will do his research and figure it out. Mr. Wrong will try to use his lack of skills or knowledge as an excuse to avoid the work. He may pressure you into doing things he dislikes or drop the ball on responsibilities he can’t delegate to anyone else. This is an unhealthy relationship dynamic that will eventually cause you to resent him. So if he doesn’t shape up quickly, you may need to move on.
10. Bad Sign: He Doesn’t Make You Feel Secure
Mr. Right will make you feel secure in your relationship in big and small ways. When he talks about his future, he’ll always include you in his visions. He won’t be afraid to plan romantic trips for you months in advance. Although it’s important to maintain independence in a relationship, Mr. Wrong will make you feel like you aren’t even a couple. He may not introduce you to friends and family and might even be cagey about your relationship status. If there’s a lack of commitment in your relationship after months of dating, it could be a sign you’re with the wrong guy.
Don’t Ignore Your Intuition
If you’re with Mr. Wrong, you probably know that you’re wasting your time deep down. Don’t ignore your gut and continue to sacrifice your happiness for a low-functioning man. There are better, more competent mates out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve. A partner is supposed to enhance your life, not detract from it, and make things harder for you. It’s better to wait for Mr. Right than to settle for Mr. Wrong, who will most likely disappoint you.