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Combining Households For Multigenerational Living

Are you thinking about combining households with family or friends?

You’ll be joining more than 64 million other Americans who now share a home with more than two different adult generations.

Much of this growing trend comes from the aging of America: as seniors choose to stay home and remodel for aging in place, their adult children may decide to move in with them to take care of them, or to move their parents in with them.

Sometimes two homes get sold to combine households into one more suitable property.

Moving in together lets people grow closer.

They have support through life’s hard times, and company to enjoy the good times.

But even when everyone is on board and enthusiastic, combining households is still a major life change.

Chances are, long-held routines may be disrupted.

Combining Households For Multigenerational Living

Everyone will need to get used to a little less space and personal time, which can cause friction. Here are some best practices for living together in harmony.

Building a Household

Although it’s not realistic to expect smooth sailing all the way, you can make the adjustment period easier. Communication makes a big difference here, as long as you keep it constructive.

That doesn’t just mean avoiding raised voices, although it’s a good place to start.

Constructive communication means that everyone has a voice in the discussion, and for all-embracing subjects this can include young children as well as the elders.

Diversity encourages group members actively to listen to each other.

Then, together, they all look for solutions to any problems that crop up.

Before a Household Discussion

Before an all-household conversation, encourage everyone to come up with a list of concerns.

Some important topics to think about include money and healthcare, with home maintenance and lifestyle coming pretty close on their heels.

Shared households need to determine who handles which bills, and how they are split.

Senior care, child care, and pet care are all crucially important matters that determine both the finances and a bundle of tasks.

Household chores are something that few people relish, but a happy household depends on people doing what it’s agreed they should do – which in turn means not being unrealistic, and exercising tolerance as people find their talents.

Lifestyle is important part of living together – of course – and the house will need to set “quiet time” every evening so people can get a good night’s sleep, and make sure the early birds and the night owls don’t disturb each other.

Let’s Talk

Once you’ve got a list of talking points, it’s time to sit down and chat.

For a major transition like combining households, it’s a good idea to schedule several talks instead of one marathon session.

This gives people time to digest what’s been said, notice new sticking points that need discussion, or come up with creative solutions.

Combining Households For Multigenerational Living

And in the beginning, people who currently live far apart could try videoconferencing.

Writing things down is useful when people talk, as reminders of what you want to discuss, and as keepsakes of what was agreed.

A little flexibility helps with talking points too – everyone will want their points considered.

Remember it’s a constantly evolving collaboration, not simply checking items off a list.

A few skills in defusing tensions can come in handy when people talk.

Even a groan-worthy “dad joke” can break the tension and put the conversation on a better track.

Pausing and “taking five” for a beverage or a change of scenery like moving to another room can change the atmosphere.

Don’t forget to ask the quiet ones for their perspective, sometimes outside of the group discussion – maybe while helping to make dinner.

Remember that you’re all on the same side, trying to solve common problems.

If you really get stuck or the same issues keep popping up, you may need an outside perspective, from a mutual friend, relative or trusted person.  

You can also find an accredited mediator with a whole toolbox for defusing emotional situations and helping people find common ground.

Building a Shared Future

The elderly have end-of-life concerns, much of which concerns leaving their life’s accumulation to the younger generations, sometimes even skipping a generation and giving financial assistance to those just getting started in life.

And while the daily household expenditures are important enough, not making a mistake with the transfer of a lifetime’s wealth is crucial.

Combining Households For Multigenerational Living

As income streams and expenditures all get managed from the same household, arranging portfolios and inheritance matters moves higher on the list.

Measures such as creating a living will, joint ownership of property, creating a trust, or forming an LLC may all be beneficial, and professional advice will be valuable here.

The tax implications may change with several earners in the same property, wages and pensions combined perhaps – who deducts what?

And if caring for a senior family member will involve effort and expenses (which it will), can the caregiver get financial or tax assistance, and social services support?

All of these implications will require legal, tax and perhaps medical advice from professionals.

The good news is that Americans in general are reporting positive results from multi-generational living. I

n general, family-shared households are livelier, happier and healthier.

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