Kids used to respect their parents and address them politely. However, these days children think it’s acceptable to use words to manipulate and control parents. It’s important for caregivers to correct this unacceptable habit quickly. Letting your kids get away with this teaches them that it’s ok to guilt trip others to get what they want. Watch out for these 8 signs your kids are manipulating you, which may indicate deeper behavioral problems.
1. Lying About Your Promises
Your child may say that you promised them a toy or a treat, even if you didn’t. Sometimes kids outright lie about previous conversations in order to get what they want. Kids may even falsely claim their other parent made a promise to them, manipulating you into meeting their demands. Don’t fall for this trick and stand your ground when your child tries to test your boundaries.
2. Making Threats
Children with behavioral problems may try to manipulate and control parents by making threats. They might intimidate caregivers by saying they’ll damage property, run away, or physically escalate the situation. According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, it’s important to take threats seriously and not treat them as idle talk. These statements can indicate a deeper problem that requires treatment, so consult with professionals if you’re concerned about your child.
3. Insulting You
Another disturbing way kids may try to manipulate and control parents is by lobbing insults. Your child may know some of your insecurities and use them against you to fluster you. But you shouldn’t let these verbal attacks slide. It’s crucial to teach your child respect and reiterate that hurtful language isn’t allowed in your home. Setting boundaries and issuing appropriate punishments, such as a time-out in their room, can help curb this behavior.
4. Blaming Siblings For Their Bad Behavior
Kids may throw their siblings under the bus in an effort to manipulate and control their parents. They might try to shift the blame to their brother or sister when they break a rule, such as no roughhousing. According to Moms.com, you can take steps to end this blame game by remaining calm. Kids may feel compelled to lie if you’re angry and the emotional stakes of messing up feel high.
Let your child know what repercussions they’ll face for making a mistake and lying about it. But make it clear that you’ll still love them no matter what and empathize with the anxiety they may feel about the misstep.
5. Making You Feel Guilty
An insidious way kids try to manipulate and control parents is guilt-tripping. Say your kid wants a toy at the store that isn’t in the budget. He may say that you don’t really love him because you’re unwilling to purchase it. However, sometimes these statements can be more subtle. Your child may suggest that they won’t be happy without the item or make you feel like a bad parent for saying no. They may point out that they’re doing well at school and imply that they deserve the toy for good behavior.
It can be difficult for parents to hold their ground when their kids try to make them feel guilty. Every parent wants their child to feel happy and loved, but you can’t give in to this kind of manipulation tactic. Folding will teach your child that preying on other people’s emotions is acceptable.
6. Repeated Requests to Wear You Down
Kids may also try to wear you down and make you give in using their words. Repeating their request over and over again is a common tactic children employ to annoy you. They hope that you’ll say yes to them just to get them to be quiet. But letting them have what they want in these situations teaches them it’s ok to disrespect consent. They’ll believe that “no” isn’t a firm boundary and try to pester others into giving them what they want. This sets a dangerous precedent for children, especially if they carry this behavior with them into adulthood.
7. Going Around You
If you and your partner don’t present a united front, your child may learn to go around you. Even if you’ve said no, they’ll ask your more lenient spouse and get permission. Then they’ll use your spouse’s agreement to manipulate you into going along with whatever they want. This dynamic can make you feel disrespected and cause resentment, so it’s best to nip it in the bud. You and your partner must communicate effectively and get on the same page about parenting dilemmas.
8. Silent Treatment
Finally, the last way kids use words to manipulate and control parents is by employing the silent treatment. Children can make you feel guilty even when they aren’t saying anything at all. It can be frustrating and upsetting when your child ignores you and gives you the cold shoulder for hours after a disagreement. However, trying to force your child to talk can backfire. It’s usually better to give them space and time to come around.
It’s Wrong for Kids to Manipulate and Control Parents
Kids using words to manipulate and control parents is an unacceptable role reversal. Children should learn to obey their caregivers even when they disagree with them. After all, their parents are just trying to keep them safe and healthy. If your child doesn’t respect your judgment and authority, it may be time to consult professionals. Depending on the severity of the problem, your child may need more support to overcome their behavioral issues.