Photo by Valerian KOo on Unsplash
Brushing your teeth is a monotonous routine. From a young age, your parents hassled you about brushing twice a day and flossing—but, really, what’s the big deal? Here are four reasons not to brush your teeth.
Mornings always seem rushed. You want to sleep in as long as possible before jumping out of bed and getting to work. So, skip the tiring process of brushing your teeth. You’ll save approximately two minutes, and this way everyone in the office can smell your morning breath. Sure, the filmy, gross feeling in your mouth might bother you for a while, but you’ll get used to it!
At night, you can use that time to catch some extra z’s or stay up watching just one more episode of your favorite television show before hitting the hay. Think of all the time you can spend doing other things besides brushing your teeth!
Great Halloween Costume
Every Halloween calls for an internal wrestle with yourself over what costume you’ll wear. If you don’t brush your teeth, your yellowing teeth and gaps will make you the most convincing looking pirate. Everybody knows that pirates are cool… so what if they didn’t have toothpaste? They rocked the look, and so can you. Simply find a billowing white shirt, an eye patch, and a red scarf to tie around your head and the look is complete!
Do people often guess your age wrong? It can be frustrating when people assume you are younger or older than you are. If you want to appear older and more mature, just stop brushing your teeth! Your teeth will begin to fall out one by one and you’ll need dentures. You might also consider dying your hair gray to perfect your aging appearance. If you want to look younger instead of older, you can let your teeth fall out and skip getting dentures to eat baby food instead
Eat Lot’s of Smoothies, Soup, and Ice Cream
There’s something about comfort food that makes you feel so… comfortable. If you discontinue the boring routine of brushing, all your teeth will fall out. Then, instead of chewing on a nice piece of steak or chowing on some raw veggies, you can sip smoothies and soup forever! Luckily for you, there are hundreds of soup recipes and different smoothie variations to keep you entertained for about three years. Oh, and you can always eat ice cream for dessert! It might be difficult to eat cookies and pie with no teeth to grind it down, so you’ll have to stick to ice cream and fro-yo (with no crunchy toppings) for the rest of your life.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, this reasoning is satire. You should definitely be brushing your teeth twice a day, flossing, and visiting your family dentist. Sure, you might save four minutes a day, you can be a convincing pirate on Halloween, you can influence your age, and dramatically change your diet—but think of the pain you’ll be in and the cost to save your teeth later. It’s much less painful and much more affordable to visit your dentist and do what you can to keep a clean, healthy mouth. You can still eat ice cream with teeth, so brush!