How do you know if you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist? It may be hard to spot if you don’t know some common narcissistic behaviors. According to the Cleveland Clinic, knowing how common narcissism is in the United States can be tricky because so many hide their narcissism well. But, research shows that as much as 5% of the population are narcissists. Additionally, narcissism affects men more than women. Approximately 75% of narcissists are men. Believe it or not, there are 8 types of narcissists including covert narcissists so there are many warning signs to look out for. Here are 10 signs you might be in a relationship with a narcissist.
1. Always Makes The Conversation about Them

A narcissist always has to have the conversation revolve around them. They have a delusion of grandiosity that can feel like entitlement. Typical behaviors include monologuing, interrupting, one-upping, and boasting. A narcissist’s ego will always try to make other people feel small. Usually, a narcissist looks at a conversation as a verbal competition that must be won.
2. Always Plays The Victim

Does your partner always use excuses as a crutch? Sometimes narcissists are hypersensitive to what others think of them and often play the victim. Narcissists also look for sympathy from others so that they don’t have to accept blame. If your partner is always looking for your pity, they may be a covert narcissist.
3. Never Takes Responsibility

If you try to be direct with a narcissist, they will usually deny wrongdoing. You’ll never hear the words “I’m sorry” from a narcissist. They also have very little empathy. So if you bring to their attention that they hurt you, it won’t matter to them.
4. Makes You Feel Like You’re The Problem

Narcissists shift blame onto other people. You may feel like you are never good enough and it’s all your fault. This is how narcissists gaslight other people. If your partner says things like “you’re too sensitive,” you may be experiencing a narcissist’s gaslighting and projection. This behavior is so that the narcissist doesn’t have to self-blame so they place blame on others.
5. Threatens and Intimidates You

Another way a narcissist exerts control is by threatening people. They may do this to keep you in the relationship. A narcissist may say things like, “If you leave me, I’ll ruin your life.” This is a dangerous red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.
6. Displays Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Is your partner always making mean jokes? Do you feel like they only offer backhanded compliments? This type of behavior may be a red flag that your partner is a covert narcissist. Narcissists usually have to sabotage the people around them to make themselves feel more important and boost their own self-esteem.
7. Manipulates You

Narcissists have to control the people around them. Sometimes this manipulative behavior looks like flattery. A narcissist may say, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” This is sometimes called love bombing and is one of the tactics narcissists use to keep someone in a relationship. They often pull you in with love bombing and then push you away again. This cycle can be exhausting and hard to navigate.
8. Criticizes You

Does your partner put you down? But can you never criticize them? They may try to hurt your self-esteem and tell you that you’re worthless. This is all part of narcissistic abuse and may be a sign that you should leave the relationship. While some narcissistic traits are benign others are malignant and are intended to cause harm like putting you down.
9. Holds Grudges

Does your partner make you beg for forgiveness? Do they bring up arguments from the past often and hold them over your head? Research published in The Journal of Social Psychology found that people who exhibit vulnerable narcissism tend to hold onto feelings of hurt longer, especially if they also display traits of grandiose narcissism.
10. Is Frequently Envious

Does your partner accuse you of flirting with other people? Are they jealous of your exes? This could be more than normal jealousy. It could be a sign that your partner is a covert narcissist. This jealousy can be more intense and problematic. A narcissist will focus on the possession and control of you to eliminate perceived threats.
Recognizing The Signs

If you suspect that you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it’s important that you set boundaries and manage your expectations. Understand that none of this behavior was caused by you. It may be time to reach out for help if you are struggling.