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Your five-year old daughter asks “Mommie can you help me tie my shoe?’ Of course your drop everything you are doing to help her and once she learns it she is rewarded with hugs, kisses and a job well done. At this age they are the most precious lovable, and the best thing is your opinion matters to them. A couple of years down the line and your daughter has grown into a beautiful pre-teen and you notice a slight change in her. The way she responds to you is short and sweet, her peers opinions now outweigh yours and the battle begins. Before she would hang on your every word and now she questions your knowledge of life. How soon they forget we too were their age and we have been through similar situations with our mothers and fathers.
The first time she raises her voice at you, you let it slide and remember that her raging hormones have come into play and she is at the stage where she knows everything. The second time you give her to tight lip stare and she closes her mouth and follows suit. Relieved you carry on with your daily tasks but lo and behold this is just the beginning. Every parents situation is different but the disrespect of a parent is not acceptable. We are raising our children to be upstanding citizens, responsible, and driven. We have given our children everything that we didn’t have as kids. We want our children to be ten times better than we are. This is where we fall short, so pump your breaks, pull over and put the car in park. Today our children have everything, everything but the concept of work hard play hard. They believe they are entitled to these possessions that we have provided them with our sweat and tears.
It’s a new day ladies and we will raise strong upstanding citizens. The only ammunition our children have against us is our hearts, our emotions. They will use tactics to try to hurt us or cause us to be emotional because one thing they do know is that we love them. Do not fall for the trap!!!! When they are yelling and screaming at us like they have lost their entire minds walk away, take a deep breath and when they calm down ask them. “Are you finished?” Once you ask them that question do not back down, whatever it is that you were telling them to do reiterate it. Tell them to get out of their emotions and do what you said. There aren’t any choices when it comes to teens, do not allow them to over throw your authority no matter what they do or say stand firm in your decision. They will despise you for a while but eventually they will see and understand why you stood firm. Our children learn by example, not by words. You can say whatever you want to say but they are watching your actions. If you need to go in the room and cry, do it, but do not show them any signs of weakness. They will use it against you and pull you into a whirlwind of pain. Even when they are upset tell them you love them, kiss them on the forehead this confuses the TEEN.
My five-year old who was so precious is now 18 years old and we have been through the ringer, I was very emotional and hurt with words she said to me. I couldn’t believe she would talk to me the way she would but she did. I removed my emotions and decided that I needed her to be independent, I needed her to be able to face this world standing on both feet with her head held high. Once I removed my emotions and dealt with her on a different playing field she came around and we are closer than we ever were. She tells me that she understands now but reminds me that she didn’t like me one bit. I find it to be hilarious and I am extremely proud that she is working, just received her CNA and is going to school in the fall for her RN. She made these decisions on her own all I did was guide her and make suggestions along the way. To build strong children we must show them how to be strong, it starts at home.