How many times in a day do you enter into the conflict zone? When you wake your kids up? When you argue with your toddler? How about when you and your spouse are spatting over something you won’t remember what it was in a hour? I know I can truly say I enter into a conflict zone too easily and often in my life (of course it didn’t use to be that way). I didn’t always start off on def con 3 when my son started making repetitive obnoxious nonsensical noises. Or fly off the handle immediately when my boys started fighting for the 200th time over a non-issue. I wasn’t always quick to wish my Husband the plague when he would leave his mess out like the children for the umpteenth time. Somewhere over the last 14 years I seemed to have pushed myself further and further into a Conflict way of living without even realizing it. All the sudden I found myself constantly reeling from one conflict to the next all with varying levels of anger behind them, some were of course minor conflicts but as they added up they began to take over my life. I have searched for a way to rewind to my “cooler” or calm years and struggled to really find that connection to myself that I once knew. I wondered on a daily basis if she was even a part of me any more. The one who had tolerance for things, seemed like such a myth. Then I read Nonflict , The Art of EveryDay Peacemaking by Amir Kfir, PHD and Stephen Hecht, MBA. This book brought to light some very real ideas that I can put into practice and actually apply to my life. It’s perfect for working with your conflicting partner as well (whomever that may be spouse, co-worker, family member etc). One of the most important things I learned from the book started right in the very beginning and it dealt with artificial conflict vs. real conflict. Knowing and recognizing that a good chunk of my conflict in my life is actually artificial and stems from a lack of communication it really gave me a new way to look at what really were my problems. Artificial conflict can have just as damaging if not more damaging results as real conflict though when not resolved. I also learned the 5 styles of conflict resolution, what style I tend to use most with my kids and what style I used most with my husband (both were different). I learned how to understand where my Husband is and how we can work towards an effective resolution that allows the conflict to truly be solved instead of ignored or given a bandage. In only 133pages I really have gained quite a perfect tool to aide me in my resolutions to my own inner conflicts, my relationship conflicts, and those I even have with my children. I can refer back to the book when I am seeking accountability or even to refresh my mind on the exercises within the book. I don’t see this book going away on a shelf anytime soon as it really is a simple yet amply effective tool for creating peace in your life with everyone everyday!
What kinds of conflicts do you struggle with on a day to day basis?
How could you or someone you know benefit from this book?