With years of both marriage and motherhood under my belt I’ve been privilege (more like plagued) with numerous DAILY reminders that no matter how far in advance I plan or how early or I wake up my “Honey-Do” list will NEVER be completed. That’s right, NEVER, based on an invisible clause found in all marriage and parenthood contracts. This hungry beast of a list has bottomless pit and should you dare try to tame it you’ll find yourself pulling a stint in the nut house. Recent unfulfilled obligations has inspired me to create yet another list in my life, but this one includes tips to help you accept and embrace the fact that you’re not THE Superwoman or any other perpetually perfect mythical beings and that’s 100% okay!
Describing my morning ritual is pretty much like this: I wake up, look around my undersized bedroom, and see or hear (from my beloved of a 12month daughter) the numerous things screaming formy attention. My vision is obscured by a mountain of time sensitive commercial products requiring testing that have collected on my desk over time and immediately my “To-Do” list for the day begins to play in my mind. That list inevitably includes tasks from the day before that I of course did not complete, even though I may have worked till 4:30am that night. I exit my room in haze and walk down the hallway to pass a huge unidentified sticky stain that has been on my floor for at least a month now, and I make my way over to one of my precious linen sofas adorned in tiny food crumbs that have settled in the folds. My only relief, a sippy cup-free clean kitchen sink.
Tip #1 – Repeat after me, “I AM NOT BETTY HOMEMAKER…I’M BETTY BARABLE AND THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH”
Unless you or the spouse makes at least six figures annually, you win the lottery, and your childless your home will NEVER be clean enough to meet your standards. Just a quick scan around a single room and you’ll see just another something needing your time. Unless it’s a health and safety hazard leave it till a later time after you’ve rested. If it’s acceptable enough for visitors then you can probably bare the spaghetti stain on the wall an hour later.
Tip #2 – Repeat after me, “I AM NOT PERPETUAL POSITIVE PATTIE…I’LL FORVER BE REALISTIC RACHEL AND SHE FLUCKING ROCKS”
Although my husband would jokingly say “I need Positive Pattie right now” whenever I’d get too down in the dumps or “negative” about something, after a while it really began to tick me off that whenever I really just needed a serious venting session about frustrations. Now I say, “No more!” From an early age women are made to feel like they should keep a certain level of “happiness” about themselves and anything other is unpleasant for all others, in which keeping others satisfied is of upmost importance. Well long ago I created “Realistic Rachel” for myself and she is calm, level headed, and neutrally happy and unhappy with the capabilities of experiencing either emotion without the permission of another. You too can be a ‘Realistic Rachel” when times get you down. Feel it, experience it, sit in it for a moment, then take a breath and move forward. Then when the dark clouds come out do it again and repeat previous steps. It’s natural, seriously, the weather does it quite often.
Tip #3 – Repeat after me, “I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN…I’M A WOMAN. PERIOD.”
Although I personally consider being born a woman an automatic birth right title as “Superwoman” endless work of adulthood, parenthood, and marriage will have any woman stuffing her head in a pillow and screaming, LOUDLY. The kids have missed their doctor’s appointment AGAIN, the house is a wreck, you’ve got 10inch leg hairs, and to your husband’s dismay the sex life has gone on to greener pastures…ah, just another day in the life of you. There will always be times when it feels like you are never “enough” and all your efforts go unnoticed and unappreciated but when you really think about it your only options are simple: Continue or Quit. Of course adjustments can be made but at the end of the day YOU ARE NOT SUPERWOMAN, NO ONE IS, AND THAT’S BOTH OKAY AND NORMAL!!! Try to make SMALL REALISTIC changes in your process so that they remain truly achievable. Think of it this way, YOUR STILL THERE, you haven’t run out like many people do when the going gets tough. YOU ARE WOMAN, HEAR YOU ROAR, AND SUPERWOMAN AIN’T GOT SPIT ON YOU! To my knowledge Superwoman (and nearly all other comic heroes, male or female) never juggled a career, husband, and baby all at once and be everything to everyone all day, every day, and at a drop of the hat. You’ve got this!
That statement alone pretty much sums up how all married individuals feel at numerous points in their marriage. I’m only a decade into being with my husband and sometimes imagining an entire lifetime together seems an impossible feat (and trust me, he’ll readily admit to feeling the same during rocky times) BUT yet we still remain committed to sticking out it out and staying together. Obviously some marriages should dissolve, especially when mental, physical, or emotional health is concerned, but there are times when I’ve literally had to sit there repeat that mantra in my head regarding my husband after a tiff. I think back on the commitments we made to God, our family, each other, and now our daughter Savannah to stay together and make it work. I try to step back and remind myself that in the end we both want what’s best for our family above all and we just need to reexamine (again and again and again) the best way of achieving those things. The key word in this particular tip was “try” as we are not perfect, no truly happy and sane couple is, but as long as both parties are still in the working together to fight in the game of life then our incredible duo will forever be unstoppable.